not really a rocket science…but with this knock-out cutie talking, you have to believe in it.
(Source: sparklelovers, via emmastonestyle)
[video]
[video]
Big words for a dorky guy.
(Source: d-y-n-a-m-i-c-c, via fightfor-tomorrow)
After too many days of suppressing myself and bottling up my fear of confrontation, i finally came down to the realization that i have to put an end to it. The whole “i-dont-give-a-crap” facade has left me nearly convinced and totally wrecked and its starting to creep the remaining sane fiber I have.
In nearly two years of being held up in that phenomena of “actually” caring for someone, I wouldn’t have the heart to just pack my bag and sail back to my old life like those waves of euphoria and agony never hit me. I don’t wear the same pair of flying shoes.
Sometimes it hurts to be honest, and as if am not already in that state of crawling outside my head, you asked me to be real. How can I be real when I am aware that it would lead me back into a delusional world of caring for you while wearing this heroic mask, believing that it’s still me who can save your day? How can i genuinely live through the pain when I overthink things and hear you mocking at my immaturity? How can I truthfully get through the fact that you have given me up many times when you have promised me your forever? How can I rummage deep for those rightful words when your eyes don’t communicate back anymore?
You are now free from misery and I have to summon the greatest courage of watching you slip away. I guess transition is not as easy as I thought it should be. Shaking off the strange amalgamation of sadness and missing and decide to finally recreate an untainted friendship is like having you shoot an apple off my head. Taking all the risk, without any clue if I can make it alive and make you happy or be shot and bleed in silence.
They say, time heals everything. I grow skeptical of it since my nights were still being welcomed by mugs of caffeine coupled with pitiful sobs that I turned a deaf ear on. Time has its funny way of freezing and slowing things down when you need to gallop over them. I may not be able pick myself up that quickly nor look for someone to work on my rough edges and gather my pieces together, but I know that am just a daydream away.
We are the choices we made. You clearly have made yours and I have chosen to go with this hope that somehow you were right about one thing, that you are something you always claimed to be; just my training ground.
“Soon I’ll grow up, and I won’t even flinch at your name.” — Alanis Morissette (via wrists)
But for now, I choose to wallow in pain and live by my “what-if’s”
(via quote-book)
…and yeah, I guess am resorting to being this fella’ again but what can i do when that’s the only thing that is keeping me from decomposing?
So how’s my little-fickle-punk-as-hell blog doing? Oh yeah, my absence for the last six months didn’t make me an honorable master but you don’t have to snap at me like that. I promise to make up for those empty pages and i promise to find some time to change your besotted name, my tumbly. How’s that sound?
[video]
Truer words may never be spoken, but there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be right now but in your loving arms.
[video]
What came up to me?
Nothing. Fb has been eating so much of my time lately so I just decided to get rid of it.
What do you mean there’s more to that?
Fine, of course there’s more to that lousy excuse but that is something I’d rather keep to myself, you nosy little bastard.
Yeah I might be full of shit and so are you.
Woke up early to do a morning jog with the whole gang. Needed to do some running to clear up my foggy head. Too many things have happened this week that I can’t help but be amazed on how much I missed hanging out with some people I heartily adore.
The first half of November has flown too fast and this is the only time I’ve noticed how breathtaking the city is at the crack of dawn.
It almost hurt my cynical eyes.
I galloped alone for the most part, letting music fill up my almost empty soul while trying to chase clarity. And after seven rounds of liberating spins i was hit by a sudden pang of grief and affliction.
Oh hell no, not really.
I just realized that I need to buy a running shoes and a comfortable pair of jogging shorts for me to keep up with those boastful sprinters. See, I’m not really that emotionally disturbed after all.
In the other news, I caught Hilary Swank being interviewed on HBO while i was so engrossed sipping my coffee. I was beside myself after hearing that she will be starring on a new movie called “Amelia” which is apparently a biopic of someone who I completely worship,
Amelia Earhart.
Now, I’ve always have this silly thought of M doing the role but I guess,
it is what it is,
a silly thought.
Hilary, in my opinion is perfect for the role. I’ve always liked Ms. Swank, but she won me over when she blushed after being asked about AE being a bisexual, which I think was a mere speculation.
Is she?
Well, for as long as I could remember I didn’t come across anything that insinuated her bisexuality when I read her biography in one of our reading comprehension exams in the 5th grade.
But then again, that was way back in 5th grade so I probably missed it.
Good grief.
Maybe people just don’t know to how to draw a fine line between feminism and lesbianism. Ughh, this is starting to intrigue me. Gotta do an extensive research. Although, i doubt if it will make me change my mind about her.
Later aviators (wha?).
“Plus Dreams”
okay so it goes like this—
word clutter, endless—
thankless pitiful days
are planted and ready
and we are a new winter
already
but blip clang zap go
machines at night and
most of the time i am not
as much sad
as i am just, well…ready
and nothing goes as fast as
this
whatever this is
this
which comes with blurheart
and repeat fizzle-stutters
this
which holds me to the pen
and
words guide the fastening
of a bushel of new days
plus dreams
- from “Hello Sunshine”